Most marriages stand on the foundation of love—but sometimes the foundation weakens and crumbles. There’s not (I don’t believe) a couple that, from the beginning of their engagement to their wedding day, expects their marriage to be one of the ones that fail. Time marches forward, children add to the union and life feels complete. As for those wedding vows, they sometimes become forgotten promises. Unfortunately, all marriages do not make it to the death-do-you-part ending. You are now single once again; you move on with your life except you and your ex will share your children forever.
Fate shines its light upon you once again, you meet someone, fall in love with that special someone, and decide on marriage!
Here’s what the ‘The Word for you today’ has to say: “Due to the divorce rate today, both inside the church and outside, divorced men and women fall in love again and face the challenge of blending two families into one.” Of course, peace is just a word, and here comes the Oh boy! Problems arise out of nowhere! A new family comes with bonding, discipline, visitation, money, etc., etc., etc. and the band plays on! In all of this, you must remember you chose your new partner; your children had no say so in this matter.
You both would like for the two families to get along, however, this is a ‘big ask’ when it comes to blending two families into one. This is where patience, understanding, and time play a very large part. TWFYT writer states, “Play nice, (when it comes to the children) their world has been turned upside down, and you must allow them time to digest the situation and find their place in the new order of things.” All blended families do not turn out like the Brady Brunch, even this TV family experienced some problems!
First things first, put a plan in action before you stand before the preacher, find out how your hopeful parent their children (it may be their parenting style is quite different from you and your ex’s). This way you both will know if some adjustments need to be made on both sides. It is important to talk to your children, listen to their fears, listen to their hearts, and do not dare tell them their fears are silly or promise them it is all going to work out”. Do not make promises you cannot guarantee.
There are many counseling centers available to answer your questions. The most important item in all of this is that you cannot leave God out of the equation. You must pray, pray, pray, and seek Him for the plan that He has for you and your family. If you ask, listen, and pay attention. God will provide you with His answer. “Your new mate may meet your personal needs for love and security—but remember that your children have those same needs too.” There is a list of things that need to be addressed, but first and foremost is seeking God first in everything that you do.
Take a listen to The Church Within You Podcast https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/barbara375/episodes/TURNING-2-FAMILIES-INTO-ONE-e2f25hn
Blessings,
Presiding Elder Barbara Hayes
TWFYT | FLSB
The Church Within You! 